PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
