Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
