My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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