everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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