Me too!
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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