so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
