thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
