So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
