so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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