You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
