party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
