Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
