I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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