It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
