last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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