oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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