Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
