I think I won the penis lottery.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She's the barista slut.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
