i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
