There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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