I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
