Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
