Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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