I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
