By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
