Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
