all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
