oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I skipped work to stalk him.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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