hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Your cock deserves a montage
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
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