If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
