Is it normal to miss your booty call?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
there is puke in my bra ... again
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