It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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