Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
