I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
