hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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