guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
