i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
