Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
