I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
