You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
