I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
