Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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