Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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