I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
