Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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