i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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