thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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