I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
