I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize