she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
