dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
