I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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