I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
