Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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