porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
