I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
