I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
