The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
