I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
