wat bout pragnant strippers??
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
