His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
