My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Randomize
