If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
