How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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